That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
