and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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