i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
