I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
