I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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