Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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