you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
