i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
