ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
