we're making bets on your personal life
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
