evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
