I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
