And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Do you have feelings for this penis?
dude. I can hear the air.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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