So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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