I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
