I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
