Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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