I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
