She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
