sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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