oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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