sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
