My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
