are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
