Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
