The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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