hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she looked like the before picture.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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