hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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