I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
