i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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