Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
