So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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