I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
