come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
