Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
