Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
