I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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