yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
