anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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