I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
