I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
