No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
