can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
