I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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