i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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