false alarm. still invincible.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
