haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I puked a lego.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
