My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
No subtext here. People are naked.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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