i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
