Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
