nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
